Undergound Coconut Operation

Once upon a time there was a girl named Lauren. She had moved to Africa from Canada just recently, therefore not being very knowledgable in the African lifestyle. Lauren decided it was a lovely day to skip about the streets in a skirt (and of course a shirt that matched) while carrying a florescent pink basket. Since she saw no harm in it, she froliced up to the front gate.
As she was trying to open the gate she heard a song that had something to do with coconuts. She figured it was just another one of those Zambian things she'd never understand so she opened the gate and hopped onto the street, sucking in that lovely muggy air. Suddenly though, EVERYBODY started to stare at her. She wondered if there was something wrong with her outfit, or maybe her hair? Had she used enough hair spray? Uh-oh! Just incase she whipped out her handy pocket size salon selectives sit still spray and spritzed some. People kept staring though! Oh dear she thought, it must be my clothing. So she switched from her high top black and pink converse shoes to her handy-dandy fold into your pocket low top black and white converse. Even though little Lauren was more comfortable, they continued burning holes through her with their eyes! Oh well she thought, me and my pink basket will be just fine...
BUT ALAS! They would not be fine!!!! Why? The U.C.O (look at the title people) truck was haulin down the road, flying off the potholes with great speed! Lauren had no fear, because she knew everybody drove like this, she would have reason to be worried if they were taking great caution and driving around the potholes and following rules. As it approached her though, the bright green and gold truck slowed down. How awful, she thought! They don't match, and the poor souls probably don't even know it, maybe they're stopping me for fashion advice...
"You are the foretold pink basket woman! Get in our truck!"
Shocked beyond words she said " I got it on sale at Macy's."
"We have read, we know woman, now please, come. The situation is at hand, and you have come at the time of great need for you and your pink basket." As the men in the truck (the mis-matching one) said this, they seemed quite stressed, with sweat beads dripping down their faces. At the sight of this Lauren thought she should offer them a Kleenex, or maybe an Oxy pad, to wipe their faces off with so they'd be ready for photo ops, cause you never know. Sweat just does nothing for you in a picture.
"Oh, I get it!! There's an entire warehouse of baskets, and you need myyyy advice on what will go best with your complexion. Why of course my darlings, I would be ssoo totaly excited to go shopping with fellas like you!!" Lauren, her pink basket, and her converse shoes hopped into the back of the ugly van. The men simply gave her blank looks, just being happy she'd finally gotten into the stinkin car! Then they muttered something in Bemba to each other and she mentioned how it reminded her of fitty cent, yo.
As they zoomed down the crazy red road in their not so comfortable lime green and purple (it changes color okay?) truck, she did their nails. Of course it involved soaking the cuticles, filing, a few coats of clear polish and they looked fab-u-lous!! Woo woo. She was begining to figure out though, that they weren't heading to just any warehouse...
Without warning the guys took coconut shells and tied them around her head so she couldnt see! Oh dear, did they not know the awful circles they could leave on her face! This would rub off the makeup too, thats not being photo prepared!
When Lauren could see again, she was sitting at a massive control board.
"Are these all those secret cameras they always talk about that are strategically placed all over Beverly Hills so you can watch rich people alll the time!?"
"A what?" came the reply.
"Whatever." she sighed.
"Now do what you have arrived in Kitwe to do." a man in a lime green suit said. It really didn't do anything for him originality wise though, because everybody else was wearing one too.
"Is this a slumber party and the theme is green? Because, honestly, I really need to work with you guys on themes then. Green is a nice color for you, but definately does nooot work as a party theme honey!"
"No, save the coconut industry!!" green men
"Oh, those tropical thingys on those cute trees!!" Lauren
"Umm...yes" green men
"Wait a second silly...what coconut industry!?" By this time Lauren was begining to feel a bit confused for teh first time in her life! Imagine the utter....confusion!!
"Let us explain. It was foretold in the book 'green trees of special food' long ago, that the pink basket shiny girl would save the coconut industry. It was said that in the year 2006 there would be a great shortage of the pink coconuts. These are the sacred pink coconuts shipped underground through a big green tunnel that stretches from every country. This is what has brought you here. See, the evil purple company, they run the silver pickle operation. The purple men have been stealing our pink coconuts to try and breed with their silver pickles! We thought we were doomed until we heard rumor that a girl with a pink shiny basket from Macy's which had gone on sale had been in Kitwe! We immediately set out to find you. Now, we only have 5 coconuts, giving us five days to find a solution before our beloved pink coconuts are extinct, WHAT TO DO SHINY PINK BASKET WOMAN, WHAT TO DOO!!!!????"
"Why are the like pink coconuts so important though?"
The green men all had straight faces, the sweat had stopped (it was at this point Lauren snapped a picture on her camera phone for later make over references) and they started moving towards her with great sparkle in their eye.

Oh you're greatly enjoying the story aren't you? You all want me to say, I'll finish it right now, just giving you a snack break! Or something like, tune in tomorrow for the rest of the underground coconut operation! But no, my dear friends, nobody knows when we will finish the Undergound Coconut Operation story. It's all made up on the spot, so my brain needs a little time. One day though, if you're faithful and true to the banana blog, you will find the answers you're looking for young grasshopper (Lauren B would like credit for "grasshopper" which she would then like to give credit to Loreli Gilmore for)...

Now leave me comments or I'll never let you in on the secrets of the UCO...but I might still love you