You Know You Live in Zambia When...
I have compiled my own list of stupid things you can really only say (or in some cases hear) casually, and without seeming strange, in Zambia (and maybe a few other nations).
"Wow, they've got a really nice wall hey?"
"Wouldn't it be nice to have an electric fence like that?"
"Is this the purified and boiled water?" looking into the water jug.
"This road is AWESOME! There's only ONE pot hole on it!"
"Frickin cow is blocking the road again." referring to the animal...on a main highway
"Crap I think we're being pulled over. Anybody have some sort of American souvenier? Maybe some extra cash? It probably won't take much to get out a speeding ticket. Maybe a Brible?" fumbling around looking for a bribe while the cop stands there.
"I only like my termites fried"
"Dang, there's a cockroach on my mosquito netting again."
"I see some lightning, better unplug everything."
"Oh, I love our neighbor's guard, he's so friendly."
"White people! Did you see them? Oh my gosh! That was crazy! What the heck are they doing here? Let's chase them!" driving down the road
"Dad, I wanna go to bed, have you put both locks on the gate, the chain and locks on all the doors, turned the electric fence and security lights on yet?"
"GAME STORE FLYERS OUT! SOO STOKED!" (Game store is basicaly the Wal Mart/Zellers of Zambia. Every Thursday they put out a flyer where you can get sweet deals on certain items for that weekend)
"We have mail! It's a package! FROM CANADA!"
"We can only have our Starbucks coffee once to twice a week. It must be rationed. MUST."
"I want to paint the burgler bars on my window to match my room."
"Have the men from Kalinga Linga phoned yet with the price for our furniture?"
"I would kill for that defender, it's so sweet."
"I'm pulling you over because you have no seatbelt on. Now could you please drive me to the station so we can fill out the papers." cops don't usually have a car with them when they pull you over.
"Mom, where are the Malaria pills?"
"Guys, the dog licked a posionus frog and is foaming at the mouth again."
"Shoot, it's an ant hill shot" playing a game of golf.
"We're out of Narchies again. We'll have to drive under the big green bridge to catch the guy who sells them in traffic."
"I am sorry sir, we are out of all fuels." a gas station which is still open in a city.
"Do you have any filtered coffee? If not I'll have a fanta please."
Haha. Good times. All of the above statements have actually been said by me, my mother, or father at some point in time in either Malawi or Zambia. Now for things you can only see in Zambia, and not think much of it.
+ A bus breaks down so a tow truck comes to get it. But the tow truck breaks down. On the highway
-Men walking down the middle of the road at night to try and scare the spirits out of them
+ People walking up to your window at every stop trying to sell you pirated DVDs, fruit, clothes, games, and any other random thing (once there was an iron, often there are "Rolex" watches)
-One branch after another placed directly on one side of the road. (this means there's been an accident or stall up ahead)
+Hundred and hundreds of people just walking on the side of the road.
-Men with machine guns walking down the road
+50 people packed into the back of a pick up truck
-Rows upon rows of mud huts
+A gecko crawling across your wall
-A small army of ants in the bathroom sink
+Ant hills the size of an outhouse or bigger
- Litter steadily scattered everywhere
+A fan in every room
-Chetenge's (wrap around skirts) on basicaly every Zambian woman on the road
+8 year olds huffing/sniffing glue/petrol and barely able to walk to your car to ask for some food
- Men holding hands
+ A baby sitting in the middle of a road in a compound because he's lost his mom
"Wow, they've got a really nice wall hey?"
"Wouldn't it be nice to have an electric fence like that?"
"Is this the purified and boiled water?" looking into the water jug.
"This road is AWESOME! There's only ONE pot hole on it!"
"Frickin cow is blocking the road again." referring to the animal...on a main highway
"Crap I think we're being pulled over. Anybody have some sort of American souvenier? Maybe some extra cash? It probably won't take much to get out a speeding ticket. Maybe a Brible?" fumbling around looking for a bribe while the cop stands there.
"I only like my termites fried"
"Dang, there's a cockroach on my mosquito netting again."
"I see some lightning, better unplug everything."
"Oh, I love our neighbor's guard, he's so friendly."
"White people! Did you see them? Oh my gosh! That was crazy! What the heck are they doing here? Let's chase them!" driving down the road
"Dad, I wanna go to bed, have you put both locks on the gate, the chain and locks on all the doors, turned the electric fence and security lights on yet?"
"GAME STORE FLYERS OUT! SOO STOKED!" (Game store is basicaly the Wal Mart/Zellers of Zambia. Every Thursday they put out a flyer where you can get sweet deals on certain items for that weekend)
"We have mail! It's a package! FROM CANADA!"
"We can only have our Starbucks coffee once to twice a week. It must be rationed. MUST."
"I want to paint the burgler bars on my window to match my room."
"Have the men from Kalinga Linga phoned yet with the price for our furniture?"
"I would kill for that defender, it's so sweet."
"I'm pulling you over because you have no seatbelt on. Now could you please drive me to the station so we can fill out the papers." cops don't usually have a car with them when they pull you over.
"Mom, where are the Malaria pills?"
"Guys, the dog licked a posionus frog and is foaming at the mouth again."
"Shoot, it's an ant hill shot" playing a game of golf.
"We're out of Narchies again. We'll have to drive under the big green bridge to catch the guy who sells them in traffic."
"I am sorry sir, we are out of all fuels." a gas station which is still open in a city.
"Do you have any filtered coffee? If not I'll have a fanta please."
Haha. Good times. All of the above statements have actually been said by me, my mother, or father at some point in time in either Malawi or Zambia. Now for things you can only see in Zambia, and not think much of it.
+ A bus breaks down so a tow truck comes to get it. But the tow truck breaks down. On the highway
-Men walking down the middle of the road at night to try and scare the spirits out of them
+ People walking up to your window at every stop trying to sell you pirated DVDs, fruit, clothes, games, and any other random thing (once there was an iron, often there are "Rolex" watches)
-One branch after another placed directly on one side of the road. (this means there's been an accident or stall up ahead)
+Hundred and hundreds of people just walking on the side of the road.
-Men with machine guns walking down the road
+50 people packed into the back of a pick up truck
-Rows upon rows of mud huts
+A gecko crawling across your wall
-A small army of ants in the bathroom sink
+Ant hills the size of an outhouse or bigger
- Litter steadily scattered everywhere
+A fan in every room
-Chetenge's (wrap around skirts) on basicaly every Zambian woman on the road
+8 year olds huffing/sniffing glue/petrol and barely able to walk to your car to ask for some food
- Men holding hands
+ A baby sitting in the middle of a road in a compound because he's lost his mom
Here's my homeboy Daniel (far left) in Kalinga Linga, and Jonathan is second from the right
This is Daniel (it's a popular name) and his son Daniel junior. They're Gogo's neighbours, and this is his youngest. Their oldest is named Gift, and they have twins, one boy and one girl (Esther). His wife is also really cool. Daniel plays in a gospel band that makes some money by going around Africa and performing with dancings, singing, and playing instruments.
These are some kids on a swingset in Kalinga Linga. It made a really neat picture. I could go all deep and say that it's like some sort of example of how they can have fun and be kids, but their life is being distorted and dirtied by the government and poverty. But I won't.
It's weird how quickly you adjust to things nobody should ever really feel adjusted to. I guess this is life as one of those guilt tripping World Vision commercials.
posted by Lauren at 4:24 AM
7 Comments:
Heeey LAF, how are you doing? I love reading the blogs.. cause I can totally relate to some of them, just from being in the dominican for a short while.. like.. "ERIN, their's a huge cocarocha (cockroach) in the Bathroom again" or "YES, we have water again, the pumps starting to work""Is their hot water?" hahah NO.. are you joking?
Just random things like that.. OHH now that you have a house... I think you should send me your House address so I can send you a letter or something like that. Sound cool? I sure think so.. annd do you know how long it takes to send things to Africa? Anywho.. You have a fabulous day.. love hearing about your adventures.. I NEED to visit you.. LIKE>> HAVE TO! haha ciao mama
Ahaha, life in Zambia seems so... I don't know, random/adventurous. I'd never be bored. As for Gogo, she is definitely the cutest old lady on the face of the earth... I can say that despite the fact that I haven't even seen every old lady on the face of the earth. AND as for Gift, well, that's a very interesting name, I quite like it. Some day when I'm rich - always assuming that you'll still be living there when I'm rich - I'll come visit, because it sounds all too exciting. :D
Different cultures and pretty fancy, even when they aren't, just because they are different, and get you saying things and seeing things that you thought you would never ever in a million years end up saying or seeing. Of course, I end up saying some pretty quirky stuff without being somewhere dfferent. Tis quite the list you have here...
Nice pictures Lauren. We think of you and pray for you. Like seeing a little piece of your new chapter in life.
hi lauren. this is alanna's sister, kristin. i found your blog from the link on hers. i think we met having chinese food in langley. i enjoyed reading your blog, and your deep comments at the end. you should have elaborated. they were good. anyways, i'll check back sometime.
kristin
Found your random comments most interesting.....some I have encountered here in Canada....such as:
"the frickin cow is blocking the road again!" (Two trips in a row on Hwy 5 North of Kamloops!)
Just this past week I had to stop my car on the main road to let a band of roving bantams cross.
Ya!! Ya!! I know..."why did the chicken cross the road?"
I love those saying and adventures you've had. It sounds like so much fun and learning at the same time. Who would have thunk it. You are a funny girl. Good times, good times. I once had to stop to let the cow cross the road too...but that was in Russia. Seems like that is a common issue no matter where you live...haha.
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