Emotion Vent?
Alright so I'm not sure who all reads this faithfully anymore, but that's cool. I'm just gunna vent a bit, and feel free to read it or not.
I go to take my dog for a walk, thinking I could use the fresh air, excercise, and pondering time. Ponder time = bad. Stuuupid. Basically ended up missing Africa a lot in the end. Inside I feel like I need/want to go back so incredibly bad. Then though I'm reminded of how horribly depressed I felt there and I'm like what the heck, why am I missing it? You know? Doesn't make sense. I really do miss it though. The Friday nights at Mona Lisa, hours of computer school in the Bersaglio office, Sam and Frodo, catching cattydids, killing frogs, coffee at kilimanjaro, murray and judy, cheryl anne, great east road being a regular part of my vocab. Wow. It's like one big day dream whenever I think of it all, and it's sort of like it was nothing but a dream. There's so much more to it though. That life was....I don't know how to explain it, so I won't try. I'm not so sure what qualifies as a normal life anymore, or a normal christian for that matter. Leaving Kelowna things were one particular way (friends, church, family), going to Zambia I experienced a completely different culture and way of life, then coming back things here were all different. Whaaaaat the heck. And then tonight I was like 'I wonder when Uncle Curly is going to come to Kelowna again' only to remember that he died the day after we got back to Canada. Really think I'm having trouble in processing life. Complications in the midst of dramatic friendships don't make this any easier. On another note I've got these awesome new friends at school, these 2 sisters my age. We met in English class, and I love Danae to death, she's awesome and we get along and we're so alike, right. But she's moving to New Zealand in December. It's like every once in a while there's something super sweet, but it keeps getting taken away. Don't get me wrong, I am loving life. I'm loving it though because I've given up trying to understand it, analyze it, and get so emotionally involved in it. Just every once in a while when I give in to those thinking times I end up wishing things back to last fall, or last spring, and not so much the current situations. Please don't think I'm saying I can't stand life. It's just so much harder than I would've thought trying to push back into this life, meanwhile not having a clue about the rules of this new order. Dang.
Teenage romance, come and get me.
Song - I want to save you - something corporate
PS Attempted getting somebody to talk at me, but people were both emotionally and physically unavailable. Shooot. Maybe I should move? Interesting thought. I'll never learn my lesson.
I go to take my dog for a walk, thinking I could use the fresh air, excercise, and pondering time. Ponder time = bad. Stuuupid. Basically ended up missing Africa a lot in the end. Inside I feel like I need/want to go back so incredibly bad. Then though I'm reminded of how horribly depressed I felt there and I'm like what the heck, why am I missing it? You know? Doesn't make sense. I really do miss it though. The Friday nights at Mona Lisa, hours of computer school in the Bersaglio office, Sam and Frodo, catching cattydids, killing frogs, coffee at kilimanjaro, murray and judy, cheryl anne, great east road being a regular part of my vocab. Wow. It's like one big day dream whenever I think of it all, and it's sort of like it was nothing but a dream. There's so much more to it though. That life was....I don't know how to explain it, so I won't try. I'm not so sure what qualifies as a normal life anymore, or a normal christian for that matter. Leaving Kelowna things were one particular way (friends, church, family), going to Zambia I experienced a completely different culture and way of life, then coming back things here were all different. Whaaaaat the heck. And then tonight I was like 'I wonder when Uncle Curly is going to come to Kelowna again' only to remember that he died the day after we got back to Canada. Really think I'm having trouble in processing life. Complications in the midst of dramatic friendships don't make this any easier. On another note I've got these awesome new friends at school, these 2 sisters my age. We met in English class, and I love Danae to death, she's awesome and we get along and we're so alike, right. But she's moving to New Zealand in December. It's like every once in a while there's something super sweet, but it keeps getting taken away. Don't get me wrong, I am loving life. I'm loving it though because I've given up trying to understand it, analyze it, and get so emotionally involved in it. Just every once in a while when I give in to those thinking times I end up wishing things back to last fall, or last spring, and not so much the current situations. Please don't think I'm saying I can't stand life. It's just so much harder than I would've thought trying to push back into this life, meanwhile not having a clue about the rules of this new order. Dang.
Teenage romance, come and get me.
Song - I want to save you - something corporate
PS Attempted getting somebody to talk at me, but people were both emotionally and physically unavailable. Shooot. Maybe I should move? Interesting thought. I'll never learn my lesson.
posted by Lauren at 8:53 PM
3 Comments:
Hey Lauren,
Venting is needed once in a while, and is a good thing. Trust me it'll keep you sane!
Life can sure be confusing eh? I sometimes sit and wonder what it's all about and what the heck I'm doing here and what is it that God is doing? I get those moments of complete and emotional confusion.
Life tranistion is difficult and isn't easy to go through. Sometimes it's best not to analyze life or figure it out. No one really has it figured out; we go on faith in God and try to just trust Him.
Rob and I are in such a wierd time in our lives right now. In a place of transition, confusion and questioning. It's been hard, to be honest, and I find myself feeling emotional and trying to process this time in life.
I don't really have any great words of wisdom or anything like that, but I guess I just wanted you to know that there are people who are also going through the craziness of this adventure called life too. That the adjustment to a new life is akward and hard and frustrating sometimes.
All I DO know is that God is holding you, and me, and taking care of all of the details of where we're at right now.
I will be praying for you Lauren.
Sometimes I think times were better when I was a kid. And they were. But I didn't think so when I was there. That makes me wonder sometimes...Years from now, will I look back and say that these were the days? Right now? Maybe. Ask me years from now.
Thinking can cause trouble. I guess that's cuz it generally breaks routine. My routine anyway...Like when you have something memorized and don't even have to think about it. But then you do and you can't say it perfectly anymore...
Keep on keeping on mate.
I feel that. When I was away I felt terrible every day. Then I came home, and it just wasn't as easy as it should be. It's hard to hang out with people who can't relate to your experiences, but when you try to be alone you just think and dwell on your unhappiness. When I think about places I went to they seem so beautiful in my memories, but I was depressed when I actually saw them. I don't have any answers for you though. I used to be a silly, fun-time kind of guy. Since I came home my family says I'm dark, sullen, and cynical. I've been described as 'emo intellect' by a friend and I would never have thought of myself that way in the past. But one thing is sure: you can't go back to the past no matter how good it was, but you can always strive for great things in the future.
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