Slide Show

Alright so I've decided to be cool, and after Dawn's ever so persuasive speech on switchin it so that EVERYBODY can comment, I did it! Everybody say yay! Now, welcome to my commenting circle Uncle Stuart! Woowoo. Anyway here's those pictures. Oh anything exciting you ask? I got a cell phone! But the only people I sms with on there is Lauren, Mulenga, and my dad. Haha.

These are random boat men on the lake when we were visiting at Malawi Lake

This was on the way to Chipatta the most exciting (sense INTENSE sarcasim) city ever, which we were at on New Years Eve.

ITS MONKEY MAN! Actually it's just the first monkey I saw when we were here, in Malawi

This is another boat man! Yay. He made his own boat. Fancy hey? Yeah I thought so too. What's his name you ask? I don't know. What do you think it is!?

Welcome to the white picket fence of Africa. This is my front yard haha. Currently that is, we're not in Lusaka yet. But every hosue has cement walls, elcetric fencing, and big scary gates.

I found this flower in our backyard and thought it was really pretty. Now you say it's pretty too.

Monsiuer Gecko!!! He lives in our house, among his other amigos. I like geckos because they eat all the bugs.

So I had more pictures to put up but they were taking too long. So in future posts you can look forward to random pictures to end my post. Yay? Yay.

Banana Mush

Due to much complaint (okay two people) on the last post about my beautiful green font, I won't do that again. Only for the sake of your eyes though.
So it's banana mush day. That means I talk about whatever I feel like and nothing relates to anything else. Okay? Okay. Banana Mush
So I had banana panckes two days in a row and could NOT be happier! If you have not had these before I highly recomend making them. It's really not that hard. You just do the normal pancake batter, and chop up banana and throw it in! Voila! Yum yum in my tum. Then you must listen to the song "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson while you eat them. I recomend butter and/or syrup on them.
So at Lauren's house (where I do school and access lovely internet) the power went out Friday around 11am and didn't come back on until midnight Saturday! Then last night they did load sharing an hour before the football game and in the middle of dinner! Load sharing is where they cut the power in a certain area in the city to save electricy. Luckily it only lasted an hour. But wouldn't you think they saved enough electricity when they had two days without power? Yeeeeah.
Okay I found this funny, and you guys may not, but I do so just listen. My cousin Jonathan comments on here right? Then Jonathan's cousins Michelle and Dawn post on here too, but I've known them since I was born too...so yeah. Then it's like the three of us just rotating comments. I think Brenda drops by here once in a while too, and Brenda would be Jonathan's sister. So then I got thinking...wait a second! What if the comments we get from each other are just sympathy-relative comments!? OH DEAR! But then I thought, how silly is this, I just rambled on for a paragraph about something of no signifigance and probably wasn't very interesting to read and had no meaning. Sweet. But I did find it funny how Michelle made fun of Jonathan for his spelling errors. You rack!
Lauren's African ab workout: how to get fabulous abs after a nice drive down the street!
So I figured out an ab workout to do in the car the other day with the help of a comment from other Lauren. We were sitting in the back of the truck driving down the road, getting tossed around by the numerous potholes. After discussion we found if you squeeze your stomach muscles, straighten your back, and brace your hands at your side, you stay still and get an ab workout! Woowoo! There's how to stay fit and healthy when you come to Africa.
I found another good random bus quote today. "The Chosen One." Apparently that bus is the chosen one, I should go seek guidance from it. I bet it would end up saying I should take that bus everyday and pay double. Then give me some spiked Coke.
COKE! My goodness, Africa gets you frickin addicted to Coke (the drink kids!) I drink so much of it. I never even liked Coke in Canada. But here it's not so sticky and gritty and gross. So I decided no more Coke for a while. Any other African addictions....pizza. It's one of the few foods that doesn't ever make me sick. And it's just daaaang good. I have it at least once a week, and then I feel gross realizing that...but isn't puking from unusual food even grosser? I thought so too.
Their juice here is reallllly sweet too. It tastes like you're drinking juice straight from those freezer cans, you know? Total concentrate, but it's not. So I pour like a quarter of a glass, then add some soda water or tonic water or just water. Know what else tastes weird? Milk. It's this special "Long-Life" milk. I could always drink milk in Canada, I wasn't one of those people who thought it was gross. I had my first glass of this magical "Long-Life" stuff yesterday, and I gagged and made a decision to never touch the stuff again. I wouldn't recomend ever touching something that's supposed to have an expiry date but for some magical reason is "Long Lasting"
I talked to one of the streek kids on Friday night while I was waiting for a ride home from the restaurant. He was one of the nicest boys I have ever talked to, he didn't even ask for money, he just wanted to know if I'd be his friend. And not even one with benefits. Besides that it's sad so I don't feel like going into detail.
I like monkeys.
I think my next post will contain pictures I've taken so far, unless something incredibly interesting comes up (highly doubted)

Undergound Coconut Operation

Once upon a time there was a girl named Lauren. She had moved to Africa from Canada just recently, therefore not being very knowledgable in the African lifestyle. Lauren decided it was a lovely day to skip about the streets in a skirt (and of course a shirt that matched) while carrying a florescent pink basket. Since she saw no harm in it, she froliced up to the front gate.
As she was trying to open the gate she heard a song that had something to do with coconuts. She figured it was just another one of those Zambian things she'd never understand so she opened the gate and hopped onto the street, sucking in that lovely muggy air. Suddenly though, EVERYBODY started to stare at her. She wondered if there was something wrong with her outfit, or maybe her hair? Had she used enough hair spray? Uh-oh! Just incase she whipped out her handy pocket size salon selectives sit still spray and spritzed some. People kept staring though! Oh dear she thought, it must be my clothing. So she switched from her high top black and pink converse shoes to her handy-dandy fold into your pocket low top black and white converse. Even though little Lauren was more comfortable, they continued burning holes through her with their eyes! Oh well she thought, me and my pink basket will be just fine...
BUT ALAS! They would not be fine!!!! Why? The U.C.O (look at the title people) truck was haulin down the road, flying off the potholes with great speed! Lauren had no fear, because she knew everybody drove like this, she would have reason to be worried if they were taking great caution and driving around the potholes and following rules. As it approached her though, the bright green and gold truck slowed down. How awful, she thought! They don't match, and the poor souls probably don't even know it, maybe they're stopping me for fashion advice...
"You are the foretold pink basket woman! Get in our truck!"
Shocked beyond words she said " I got it on sale at Macy's."
"We have read, we know woman, now please, come. The situation is at hand, and you have come at the time of great need for you and your pink basket." As the men in the truck (the mis-matching one) said this, they seemed quite stressed, with sweat beads dripping down their faces. At the sight of this Lauren thought she should offer them a Kleenex, or maybe an Oxy pad, to wipe their faces off with so they'd be ready for photo ops, cause you never know. Sweat just does nothing for you in a picture.
"Oh, I get it!! There's an entire warehouse of baskets, and you need myyyy advice on what will go best with your complexion. Why of course my darlings, I would be ssoo totaly excited to go shopping with fellas like you!!" Lauren, her pink basket, and her converse shoes hopped into the back of the ugly van. The men simply gave her blank looks, just being happy she'd finally gotten into the stinkin car! Then they muttered something in Bemba to each other and she mentioned how it reminded her of fitty cent, yo.
As they zoomed down the crazy red road in their not so comfortable lime green and purple (it changes color okay?) truck, she did their nails. Of course it involved soaking the cuticles, filing, a few coats of clear polish and they looked fab-u-lous!! Woo woo. She was begining to figure out though, that they weren't heading to just any warehouse...
Without warning the guys took coconut shells and tied them around her head so she couldnt see! Oh dear, did they not know the awful circles they could leave on her face! This would rub off the makeup too, thats not being photo prepared!
When Lauren could see again, she was sitting at a massive control board.
"Are these all those secret cameras they always talk about that are strategically placed all over Beverly Hills so you can watch rich people alll the time!?"
"A what?" came the reply.
"Whatever." she sighed.
"Now do what you have arrived in Kitwe to do." a man in a lime green suit said. It really didn't do anything for him originality wise though, because everybody else was wearing one too.
"Is this a slumber party and the theme is green? Because, honestly, I really need to work with you guys on themes then. Green is a nice color for you, but definately does nooot work as a party theme honey!"
"No, save the coconut industry!!" green men
"Oh, those tropical thingys on those cute trees!!" Lauren
"Umm...yes" green men
"Wait a second silly...what coconut industry!?" By this time Lauren was begining to feel a bit confused for teh first time in her life! Imagine the utter....confusion!!
"Let us explain. It was foretold in the book 'green trees of special food' long ago, that the pink basket shiny girl would save the coconut industry. It was said that in the year 2006 there would be a great shortage of the pink coconuts. These are the sacred pink coconuts shipped underground through a big green tunnel that stretches from every country. This is what has brought you here. See, the evil purple company, they run the silver pickle operation. The purple men have been stealing our pink coconuts to try and breed with their silver pickles! We thought we were doomed until we heard rumor that a girl with a pink shiny basket from Macy's which had gone on sale had been in Kitwe! We immediately set out to find you. Now, we only have 5 coconuts, giving us five days to find a solution before our beloved pink coconuts are extinct, WHAT TO DO SHINY PINK BASKET WOMAN, WHAT TO DOO!!!!????"
"Why are the like pink coconuts so important though?"
The green men all had straight faces, the sweat had stopped (it was at this point Lauren snapped a picture on her camera phone for later make over references) and they started moving towards her with great sparkle in their eye.

Oh you're greatly enjoying the story aren't you? You all want me to say, I'll finish it right now, just giving you a snack break! Or something like, tune in tomorrow for the rest of the underground coconut operation! But no, my dear friends, nobody knows when we will finish the Undergound Coconut Operation story. It's all made up on the spot, so my brain needs a little time. One day though, if you're faithful and true to the banana blog, you will find the answers you're looking for young grasshopper (Lauren B would like credit for "grasshopper" which she would then like to give credit to Loreli Gilmore for)...

Now leave me comments or I'll never let you in on the secrets of the UCO...but I might still love you

I Concur

Random quotes/whatever you would like to call them, off of signs and buses in Kitwe...
"Y'ello Sunshine"
"Drive carefully. Children are our future."
"Boom Go Sounds" - my personal favorite, it was on the back of a bus
"I Like Jesus Too."
"Regular Breaks are Good For You."
"Take Time Off."
"I survived." - and we're all very glad you did.
"Good Morrow."
"Drink, don't drive."
"Yay long cafe"
"Rita's, a peculiar shop."
"The Unique Hair Salon."
And finally for the last quote/thingy, I have an explanation. We were driving behind a bus, and the buses here are all VW looking, and they're blue and white. Most of them have the most random sayings on their back window, and one day I plan on doing a photo shoot of all the best ones. Anyway this bus we were behind had "SIMPLE PLAN" written in huge letters, I found their African tour bus everybody!! Haha.
Gotta love it here.
Our car wouldn't start this morning. Lame.
SO would you all like to know what my life consisted of the past few days? Well, let me tell you, it's so terribly exciting you won't be able to contain yourself. First, I made a mini golf course out of our house. You see we don't have a TV currently, or a stereo, or good internet there. Therefore, I have been forced to make my own entertainment. Tragic, I know. Anyway, this golf course consisted of: plastic cups, circles of string, the bathtub (that's a tough one!), the toilet (I didnt really wanna make that shot), pillows, mosquito netting, and pots! Yay! I know exactly what you're thinking right now, boy do I want to hang out with Lauren. But I'm not even done with my entertainment! Oh no, not yet! Then, I taught my parents how to play BS (although we're pure and holy missionaries - haha - so we called it "cheat") that proved very interesting. Saddest part? Not that I sat and played cards with my parents, but that my dad won the entire time. Then I took picture of monsuier gecko. Oui oui, he's my lover.
I'm begging you, buy an airplane ticket...
NOW
run OUT the door
or PICK UP the phone
just DO IT

No Control With The Spy Around

I found a Lion in my bathroom this morning!! DANG RIGHT. It was brown and fuzzy, and scary looking. I kept my cool though, I stayed calm, and I took care of him good. I turned him upside down with my BARE HANDS. Yeah, that's right. He didn't roar, he didn't even fight me, infact he stayed silent, in a fearful kind of way. That Lion was scared of ME. You wanna know why? Cause it was an advertisement on the back of a magazine for Narnia and it was just a picture of Aslan.
HA HA. I fooled you!!
Let me educate you for a moment, contrary to popular belief, the following things are not true...
- I live in a hut
- I have a pet elephant/giraffe/hippo or any of the like
- I don't have internet
- I do tribal dances
- I don't have a phone
- They don't speak English.
Now I kindly ask to use common sense when asking me questions. Please and Thankyou.

Now that that's cleared up let us move onto...the TITLE. I'm sure you're all wondering who the spy is. Me too. He doesn't speak..well no that's not the right way to put it. He talks too much but about out of the norm things, and has CRAZY escape plans! This is really all the information I can give you, because he is within range of hearing my typing! That is if he has some strange ear thing, which I bet he does. He likes to cross his legs so his shorts hike up uncomfortably high, and he has a freaky deaky smile (alllll the time). I'm pretty sure he's bugged this..so let me stop...NOW.

As for the no control part, it would be the fact that nothing goes right here, and then when things even happen, it takes ten times longer than it should. It's frustrating, and I can't conrtol any of it. Solution? I won't try to. I'll just roll with it and realize that the majority of things happening right now are happening to me, but not because of me, and can't be changed by me. So I'll just pretend everything's fun, how's that? Well it won't make things fun, but pretend worlds are fun, it seems to work for this over age spy man.

Once upon a time there was a girl who had a blog to write in but couldn't think of anything to say. Hence, she sat here, deciding if she should do school. Than apologized to all lovely viewers for having too many good stories, and not being able to choose one. Perhaps, she thought, when she was in a more normal and non-code speaking mode, she would post a good, life-changing, spectacular post with the things she had done. And it was with that thought that she ended her blog post with

Home Sweet Nowhere

My beautiful blog readers! well well this will be a pathetic post because I'm borrowing Lauren's (bersaglio, her parents do the VOH in Kitwe, and is currently my only friend haha) computer and dont wanna take too long, but thought you should hjear a couple good stories....
1) I fuond frickin monkeys and geckos baby
2) I miss you all more than you can imagine
3) I have metal under my finger nail that hurts like a mofo. This however involves a rather long story, the short one would be....
I was locking a door when a piece of chrome sliced down my index right hand finger nail and jammed itself into my finger. Let me tell you, thats real pain. Then I sat there with no real doctors picking it out with tweezers while they held it back with a knife. Yum. I bawled like a baby, stomped my foot, and screamed while they did this for over 20 minutes. The next day they had to try and get more out which lasted for about ten minutes. Now theres still a small piece left which sends stinging pain once in a while, but i refuse to go through such huge uncomprehendable pain again. God Bless anesthetics (aka things that freeze your limbs).
4) In the past few days I've had intense stomch pain anytime I eat and it's not fun.
5) At the resort there was a cobra in mine and laurens room so we had to switch and have strange men go through our belongings.

Alright that's the short version of life so far, for details on any of the above situations please feel free to contact me. I'll e-mail you as soon as I can type well with a real right hand index finger haha. Love you all...