He's Leaving On A Jet Plane

So did you happen to notice the SUPER RAD boy on the right (okay, boy in left is awesome too, but doesn't belong in the news worthy event)? He just so happens to be coming to Zambia for my birfday!!!! Can you say Heck YEAH! I am so dang excited. He arrives on May 12th, and will be staying to near the end of May. I am so stinking happy, you don't even know man. But anyway, since not a whole lot has gone down recently (okay, Kelly's engaged, Sean's coming to Zambia, and my birthday is coming up, but besides that) I shall entertain you with one of those survey thingys.

Name: Lauren Bess
Birthday: May 16th 1990
Birthplace: Abbotsford, BC
Current Location: Lusaka, Zambia
Eye Color: Green, Blue, Orange, Brown
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5'3''
Right Handed or Left Handed: Righty
Your Heritage: Spirish (The S is because one day Kelly came up with this huge theory that somehow, we're Spanish, and I choose to believe him haha)
The Shoes You Wore Today: black and white low top converse all stars
Your Weakness: musicians, plane tickets, good hair
Your Fears: Crossing the street, needles, being alone in the dark
Your Perfect Pizza: Cheesy, with a fruity twist, and some meat (aka hawaiin)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Umm, look good in the bridesmaid dress, do good shopping in Zimbabwean markets, jump off a bridge
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: that's fancy
Thoughts First Waking Up: The mosquito netting's tangled in my feet again. Wonder if my water's clean yet.
Your Best Physical Feature: Umm...my eyes.
Your Bedtime: 23
Pepsi or Coke: Depends where I am. If the place sells Coke in glass bottles, then Coke, but if we're talking plastic I despise coke and prefer Pepsi.
MacDonalds or Burger King: Um, well, I've only eaten Burger King once but I still would rather have that than McDs
Single or Group Dates: Single for romantic, group for fun.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Ice Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: ChOcOlAtE
Cappuccino or Coffee: Cappacino
Do you Smoke: Kissing a smoker's like kissing an ashtray, not speaking from experience or anything
Do you Swear: Dang right I curse
Do you Sing: When nobody's listening, if somebody is though, well there goes any confidence.
Do you Shower Daily: I try, but sometimes the waters not working, or as of late, its dirt instead of water.
Have you Been in Love: Ever heard of J-e-s-u-s?
Do you want to go to College: Hillsong United in Aussie land, I can dream.
Do you want to get Married: If I meet the right person.
Do you belive in yourself: In certain things
Do you get Motion Sickness: Only landing in planes, and on swings.
Do you think you are Attractive: Um, depends what day you catch me on.
Are you a Health Freak: HAH! Nope
Do you get along with your Parents: Ah, well, bring stuck in a house together in a third world country has damaged the communication a bit
Do you like Thunderstorms: Africa has only got the effin best ones in the world.
Do you play an Instrument: Piano, elastic, recorder, ukulele, the desk.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I'm an underaged MK
In the past month have you smoked: I don't want to be like an ashtray
In the past month have you gone on a Date: No...I am alone...all alone
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: HECK yes, where else do I find my knock offs of Von Dutch, Chanel, Versace, and Burbery!?
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Was that in the past month?...No.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I live in Zambia. I don't like to talk about my sushi deprivation.
In the past month have you been on Stage: At a church.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: Not that I know of
Ever been Drunk: I don't like the idea of getting really sick and not knowing what you're doing, God knows what I'd do if I lost the ability to think. And we don't wanna see that.
Ever been called a Tease: Haha...yeeeah...
Ever been Beaten up: I have two big brothers. Noooope.
Ever Shoplifted: Hah, okay, I was three, and thought money was a nice gesture, not a mandatory thing
How do you want to Die: While I'm asleep, completely unaware I'm dying.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I'm not sure, counsellor, missionary, pastor, author
What country would you most like to Visit: Australia
Number of Drugs I have taken: Zero
Number of CDs I own: Some number above 50, not sure
Number of Piercings: 4 (ear lobes, cartilage of left ear, right side of nose)
Number of Tattoos: None (to change on my next trip to Canada)
Number of things in my Past I Regret: Telling somebody I hated them when I was 7 years old.

Wedding Bells

So, I attended that wedding on Saturday. Now, I also have another EXCITING wedding related announcement. But for effect, my own fun, and anticipation, we are going to make it into a game. I will type out the sentence of what's happening in words in this color. So, during your reading you can write the words (in order!) or just try and remember them. Once you have put them all together, you will know what has gone down yo.

The wedding invite said that it started at 11:30, so we got there at the arriving time, 11:15. Sam. But in true African fashion, Is the wedding didn't start until exactly 12:30. The entire time Elizabeth, Cheryl, my mom and I had bets going on My when it would start and how long it would be (yes I hang out with 50 yr olds). So anyway when it starts the groomsmen have like this coreographed Brother dance they do down the aisle in their suits, then they turn and go back out the aisle. Then the bridesmaids come and do the same sort of dance down the aisle to their seats at the front. The groomsment then come out Kelly's again and dance to their seats. Sara, the bride, is then walked in by her parents. The groom walks up to the stage to stand by Sara, and they both take a seat facing the pastor. We all sit then, and the sermon begins. This goes for like 40 minutes, and trust me, is quite hilarious but the content is a bit above PG, so I'll hold off. Afterwards they do the vows and stuff. Once they have exchanged rings, they give each other a big hug, no kissing. Girlfriend Then Kendrik (groom) lifts her veil VERY slowly. I would've had time to go and grab some popcorn to watch. No kissing still though. After they sign the papers, as the pastor put it, "Kendrik now has a license to see what he has never seen before!" Hallelujah! So then the parents of the bride walk the bride and groom And back down the aisle, and the grandma pulls out her sweet moves, and even grandpa this time. Then the bridesmaids and groomsmen dance together out On the aisle. It was pretty dang awesome, definately sweet. Best part is they walk into like hip hop gangsta rap music.

Last night the team that Friday was in Kitwe came through Lusaka because they fly out tomorrow. And God bless them, they brought us loads of Canadian goodness. What exactly would this be? Peanut butter (the stuff here tases Night like poo), brown sugar, chocolate chips, drink mixes, licorice, hot tamales, honey, coffee, and pens. This morning Kelly for breakfast then I had bread (I despise toast) with peanut butter and honey on top, an I'm pretty sure I overloaded because Proposed I feel sick right now. But it was soooo worth it.

Now, I sure hope And you figured out the secret sentence! Did She you enjoy the game? Said It sure kept me entertained YES.
I get a sister (in-law)!!!


Also congrats to Steve and Leah who had their baby, Parker (>>), on April 1st. They were married last June, and we've known them forever. Can't wait to see the cutie. Oh yes, aaaand congrats to the family I used to babysit who just had a baby on April 19th, Kenedy.

Scarface

So I got really bored the other day, and began counting my scars. I have a total of 17. And now for your reading pleasure I shall share with you about them. Oh yes before I do, some of you wanted to know what my number one meal was. Well, I kept it unkown because we don't want fights breaking out between mothers back home. But I will tell you it was at a Christmas Dinner in Kelowna when I was a child, and the dessert really made it, because it was Death by Chocolate. I had never had it before, and although being young, I'm pretty sure it sparked my addiction.

1) Location: Back of head
Story: I was on a missions trip in the Queen Charlotte Islands. Brittany, Ali, and I decided to frolick on the stony beach in our ponchos one night. I was 13 and was just following along. We then spotted a log that looked like a teeter-totter and Brittany sat on one end, I on the other. Brittany got up, and as she did, the log began to roll backwards. My poncho got caught under the log and I fell backwards, smashing my head on a rock. Iris Lee then had to tend to my head and be my care taker for the next hour while I asked about ten times where my brothers were.

2) Location: Right side of head.
Story: We were in gym class and doing the "run" which everybody was actually walking. This kid behind me then picked up something and yelled "Hey Harrison!" at the kid in front of me. I kept walking with my friends when something hit the side of my head. I grabbed the side of my head and started yelling at the annoying little boy. I moved my hand away from my head and saw it covered in blood, then saw stains on my WHITE DC Shirt (yes I was very mad) and my grey Etnies! I started screaming (my own blood really scares me) and running back towards the school. I fell over on the side walk cause I blacked out, but two seconds later was up and running again. I got a day off school out of it. What was the object that hit me? A broken cafeteria tray. It was supposed to hit Harison. Dang.

3) Location: Upper right forehead.
Story: I was 3 years old and my brothers and I were just chillin. Then, I'm not sure why, but Kelly picked up a dust pan and threw it across the attic, hitting my head. They had to take me to the hospital and I got stitches. This was the only time I've ever been to the hospitable for an injury.

4) Location: Left eyebrow
Story: This is my gangsta scar. I was about 5 and my brother Sean was playing the recorder. Apparently him and Kelly started fighting when the recorder broke, and a piece went flying into my eyebrow.

5) Location: Upper right arm
Story: One night I was feeling really sick when I got home from babysitting (this is a couple years ago) and I was sitting on the kitchen floor in major pain. It was about midnight and Kelly walked in and asked me what was wrong. So he sent me to bed, and made me a hot water bottle wrapped in a tea towel. I woke up the next morning and realized the tea towel had fallen off during the night, and I had burnt a line onto my arm.

6) Location: Upper left arm
Story: I'm pretty sure this is just from a shot. It's a lovely little white bump. It's a reminder of my biggest fear though - needles...evil little things they are.

7) Location: Lower left arm
Story: I really have no idea. It just sort of appeared. So I have a scar. From what is the question. Any ideas?

8) Location: Just below right ring finger
Story: Last summer in Ukraine I was using the showers. There was this one without a twisty thing on it...you know...whatever you call that, to adjust the temperature. Anyway. I gashed my knuckle on it and got a pretty good cut. Now I have a cut little pink scar from it.

9) Location: Middle of right hand.
Story: This is another mystery scar.

10) Location: Lower right knee
Story: Heather and I decided it'd be fun to run through somebody's elses' sprinklers at midnight one summer. So we were running through, and it was too dark to see a rope tied from the ground to a tree. I had decided to go first because I had come up with the crazy idea. I tripped over the rope and went flying through the air and landed on my knees on the pavement. It did some h-core bleeding. 3 Weeks later it was just about healed, as in skin was reappearing in the area, when I was coming out of a garage and the edge of my roller blades caught the edge. I tripped and ripped the wound open again.

11) Location: Lower left knee
Story: Take a guess - same as the previous story. Bit of info though, one month before this injury was when I got hit in the head, and one month after was my second hit to the head in the QCI.

12) Location: Top of left knee
Story: I was about four years old and one of my parent's friends had taken me and my brothers to the local swimming pool. I was getting out when I banged my knee on the edge. This resulted in a cute litle rectagular white scar.

13) Location: Side of right knee
Story: Climbing trees. I wasn't awesome. And that bark is vicious.

14) Location: Right ankle
Story: Heather and I were climbing trees. And not being a pro, I scratched up my arms and legs, but amazingly the only place that a scar was left was on my right ankle and right knee! It looks like a pink scribble.

15) Location: Top of left foot
Story: When I was six years old I was hanging out at my best friend's house. Her sister came in to give us the scissors and didn't look to see where she was dropping them. Where they drop? Directly into my foot.

16) Location: Below toes on the right hand side on right foot
Story: Never wear uncomfortable shoes for a long period of walking time. Even if they looke really really really good. The pain's just not worth it.

17) Location: Below toes on left side on left foot.
Story: The shoes just looked really good. I mean reallllly good! I can't help it if I get caught up in fashion easily.

What's YOUR favorite scar!? Share your story with us in the comments! Yaaaaayyy. And for kicks, include your best meal EVER.

Bachlorettes and Elephant Bums

So Easter Weekend proved to be fairly eventful for me. Normally life consists of American Idol (rock on rocker man and Peter Brady), puppies, the internet, and markets. However, are you ready to hear about weeping engaged women, elephant bums, and good food? If so, read ahead...

So on Saturday my mom and I ventured off to what would be the equivalent of a North American bridal shower/bachlorette party with Aunty Cheryl. Except this is African style baby. So as we walk in they make this noise, I'm not sure how to describe, but they always do it when they get excited...um...yeah I'm not going to try and describe it. They escorted us up to the front row, because we're white. They play their music LOUD, like we're talking...rock concert volume. In order to talk, meet people, and make conversation, you basically had to shatter their ear drums, and gave up after saying "WHAT!?" three times. It started at one, and the bride didn't enter until about 3:30. For Zambians, this party is bigger than the wedding itself. 350 women showed up. While waiting for the bride they served us food, drinks, sang, and danced. When the bride comes in, the husband's family and wife's family dance infront of her leading her in (including the 80 yr old grandma! Sweetest dancer ever right there). Then she sits down on this matress infront of everybody with an aunt on either side, and they cry for around 5 minutes. This is because she's supposed to be sad that she's leaving her family. After that there's more singing and dancing. About ten minutes later the groom comes in, with the families dancing in front of him again. He presents gifts to the bride (she has to look sad the entire party), and then the bride and groom present gifts to her mother. The groom then dances on out. They had a lady preach after all of this, and would you like to know the three things I remember? They're wonderful little nuggets of wisdom...
"Do not come to your husband in tears. How should he hold his head up then?"
"Always be clean and smell good, for when your husband presents you, you should give him pride."
And the best...
"Now, what two things does your husband need when he comes home? Hallelujah? Amen? Yes? SEX AND FOOD!"
Haha...different cultures make me laugh. Once that wonderful message is over, it's gift time. In front of the bride there is a mat where everybody's gifts are placed. When your name is called, you dance up there, open the gift infront of the bride, tell her what it's used for, and go back to your seat. During gift opening basically every woman in the place was on her feet dancing away. So then that left us three white women in the front row sitting on our bums hoping nobody would notice. No such luck. This african woman I didn't even know comes along.
"Girl! Why don't you dance!?"
"Haha, I can't dance!"
"Oh nonsense!"
It was at this time she grabbed my hands, wrapped a chetenge around my waist and put me infront of everybody. I figured I'd look more stupid if I just stood there still. So I danced...yup. I danced. We left early (at 5:30) because we didn't think it'd end until around ten. As we were leaving one of the ladies leaned over to me and said 'wonderful dancing!' I can't help but think it was a sympathy compliment. This Saturday I get to go to the wedding, so you can be sure I'll fill you in on that.

I'll allow you intermission now, to regroup, and prepare yourself for animal stories...
Eat some popcorn....
Although I prefer chocolate...
Intermission over.

On Monday we decided to go to this hotel/game park called the Protea about an hour outside of Lusaka. It's a very nice hotel (200 bucks a night) owned by a Dutch lady. There's a really nice pool, EXCELLENT service (extremely rare to find here), and then some African animals spread throughout the property. We got there and made reservations for the 1 o clock bri buffet, seats on the 3 o clock game drive, and decided to wander over and look at Lions. We walked over to the biiiiig Lion place, and there were three of them. The one big male had his mane shaved cause the poor sucker was...well....unable to have children lets say. He also had scars on his back cause he always fights with his offsrping. They were like as big as a bear, just not as furry. They're sooo pretty though.

Since lunch wasn't for another 50 minutes, we walked down this trail, where up ahead of us were a couple ladies. All of a sudden this elephant comes walking out infront of them. The same thing was going through all our heads at that point is there anybody with that elephant...? Then this little man popped out of the bush though and we felt safe. Found out the elephant was 15 yrs old (same as me!) and turns 16 in September. Her name was something crazy and African that I could never try and type out. So then the handler, Bongo, goes "Madam, you can sit on her!" I laughed really hard and then was like meh, why not, how many times do you get to sit on an elephant in the bush of Africa? So he goes "SIT!" And the darling elephant kneels right down for me! I walked around to the other side and hopped right on up (okay, big understatement there. I had to like hang onto Bongo, throw myself onto the elephants back and grab on). Then she started to stand, and I had to grab on for all I was worth so I didn't fall off. Once she was standing, I felt SO high, it was incredible. She kept sticking her trunk up and trying to touch me. Her skin was all wrinkly and sandy. But it pretty much made me decide that elephants are my new favorite animal.

She'll grow to be twice that size and will get as old as 100 years old. So on my 50th birthday or something I'll go back there and be like hey remember me!? We're the same age and I sat on you! After hanging out with the el-e-phant we wandered back over to this sitting area. There's this big pond, and then all these trees with low tables and lounge chairs where you can sit. So we hung out there and order drinks waiting for 1 o clock to roll around. While sitting there I thought I saw what ws a statue of a Cudu in the garden, when suddenly it started moving I was like, dang, that thing's real! My mother and I ran after it with the cameras and mom took an awkward looking picture of me next to the Cudu's bum while he was trying to eat.

I felt bad disturbing him. We looked over to see some tsesabees (sesabees) and decided they deserved some photos too.


Lunch was then served and it has to be the second best lunch I have ever had in my life - so amazing. And for dessert, there was this AMAZING dark chocolate cake. We lounged around some more after that and then at 3 o clock we hopped onto the safari vehicle. We drove around the bush for a while, which was super cool cause youre in this open vehicle afraid you're basically gunna fall out and die any second. They drove us out onto their airstrip where there were these animals called Elans all in one big heard. They're pretty cool. Kinda funny looking.

I think he had an itchy back. Those horns come in handy. We continued our drive and saw some vervet monkeys, but they were pretty deep in the bush. There were also some baboons. On our drive back towards the lodge place, we came across the elephant again. This time my dad sat on it, but I also got a comparison as to what a Grandma's bum looks like when she wears jeans that don't fit her right.

After that we ventured around the lions again and went back to the lodge. Overall it was pretty nice to have a break and experience some sweet African things. Today I experienced a creepy African one hour photo service. But that's another post for another day.

Riots and Big Hair (Banana Mush)

Another wonderful Banana Mush post awaits...

So last night I was trying to talk to Andy on Skype at like...11pm-ish. There were all these gun shots going behind our house. It didn't worry me too much, it has happened a few times, people yelling and shooting. I feel fairly safe with my cement wall, electric fence, broken glass, razor wire, guard dogs, security company, guards, and panic button. This morning we decided to go out for coffee at Kilimanjaro (a cafe here). Now, I must explain to you where our house is. Looking from above, you have the university on your...left. Then a highway to the right of that, and across is a road into a neighborhood. If you go down that road like 30 feet and turn left you have our road. Now, looking from above at our house, you have our house, people on the left and right, but behind is only one house, then bush to the highway. So anyway, we go to pull onto the highway, and it's all shut down. So we had to take this side road along with about a million other people. There were heaps of people standing outside, watching...something, not sure what it was at the moment. Police and military guys were everywhere down the road. Lots of shattered rocks, a destroyed bus stop, and a burnt bus. We had no idea what had happened, but guessed it was university riots. Later on after watching some news, we heard, that's what it was. For the fourth time in 5 weeks, a student had been hit by a bus driver, and had been killed. They decided to solve this problem by rioting. They basicaly destroyed a bus stop and threw it all over the highway. Shot at people, stoned passing cars, and burnt a bus. They think rioting solves all their problems. I'm happy we weren't driving when it was going on because no mattter what's going on, a white person comes along, and suddenly everything is blamed on them and they will stone (like stones that break the windshield) you for all they're worth. Apparently almost every April they'll go and rage about anything. The thing is, both parties are responsible for what happened. People run across dark streets at night without looking, and bus drivers here are like 10 year olds behind the wheel. There's supposed to be lots more rioting the next couple of days, so I think I'm pretty much stuck in the house. Let's hope my window doesn't get shot...

I was totally born to the wrong generation. My hair can be so naturally huge, it's sweet. All you need is a comb, and you have me as an eighties rocker child. I mean, check this out...


Heck yeah baybay. Imgaine the possibilites if we could rewind me twenty years.

Alright so next week we're booking the trip we're taking for my birthday. Looks like the fifteenth of May we'll drive to Vic. Falls, and settle into the hotel and everything. Tuesday (THE SIXTEENTH, MY BIRTHDAY!! SWEET SIXTEEN! CAN I GET A HECK YEAH!?) I'll be bungee jumping, as long as the courage is still intact then, I'm getting nervous. But I must take the plunge! Wednesday I think we're going to a game park in Botswana, and Thursday will be a mix of white water rafting down the Zambezi river and checking out the big market on the Zimbabwe side. This is how it will go if it goes our way. But we still have to check out prices. So, it will probably change.

Sooo for all interested I finally have a mailing adress! If you want it tell me, and I'll e-mailo ito too youoo.

My Dog (sam) found a snake under our truck the other night, and thought it was a stick. Cause he's really smart, you know? So he picked it up and frolicked towards us all happy. Not wanting to grab the snake, my mom grabbed the dog and shook him until he dropped the pink freaky snake. As if he needed more brain damage. This reminds me, I AM THE FROGINATOR!! What does this mean you ask? Well not sure if I have told you yet or not, but there's these freaky posinonus frogs in our yard that come out at night. When the dogs chase them the frog stops, sprays them with this poisonous stuff which makes the dogs collapse and puke. Yeah, not cool. So now at night I go and attack the frogs. I have nothing better to do really. I take this wooden stick and smack them like a golf club. It's pretty fun...and sick, all at once.

*time for an "MK Vent About Real Life" session...

warning to viewers: the following paragraphs contain frustrating events vented in the fashion of a teenage girl. You have been warned.

Alright, it's time for an update on what's really going on with my life here. Let's try and break this down...
1- Container. Okay, I've explained this semi previously. The container has 70% of my clothing, all photos, sentimental stuff, and candy. Along with my parents things, and hundreds upon hundreds of items to give away in compounds. It was shipped three months late. It was supposed to be HERE April 12th. Instead? The shipping company has decided they would like the wieght of every item, the name of every item, the price of every item, on the bloody container. They are also charging us now for everyday that this containter sits on their lot (in Durban). I'm tired of praying about this. I spend over four months asking God for it to be here every night. And everyday I'm just disappointed. I sit in a room with possesions that fit into a suitcase and a half. I know I know, look around me and feel happy about what I have! But I want my stuff, I'm used to different standards, and I'm homesick. You know what happens if they get sick of having our stuff there because they keep giving us paperwork that doesn't actually need to be done? They take what they want off our container, and burn the rest.

2 - Land. So when we moved here we were under the impression that the land we had purchased to build VOH on we had clear title on (meaning, we were the owners and had permission from government to start partying on it). Instead...hm, let me explain this as simply as possible. We bought it from owner A, who bought it from owner B, who bought it from owner C, who bought it from owner D. D found out white people were buying the land, and bribed his name back onto the title. Meaning? He techincally owns this property as well, so we can't build anything on it. We need to get the guy's name off before we can do anything, and the lawyer of current, is like a sloth without motivation. Yeah. My dad found A's son, and they are going to find D to see if they can negotiate something. If this land doesnt come through, who knows. Until then we'll be working in the compounds just handing out food to people. We're looking at finding a building where we can host a school, distribute food, and have a church.

3 - Friends. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get friends when you live in another culture, don't go to school, and don't have a youth group? Basically impossible. I've never been lonelier.

4 - School? Ah, it's just MESSED UP. Bloody online school has no IDEA how to teach.

5 - God. Look, one good thing has happened in the past 4 months, and that's this house. That's it. I'm sick of unanswered prayers. I dragged my arse halfway around the world because I said I'd go anywhere for this Jesus guy. And I'm left sitting, abandoned, frustrated and lonely. Why do I deserve this when I gave up what I knew as life to try and help other people? I know, this was my decision. But you know what God, when you send somebody to a third world country, it wouldn't kill to talk to them once in a while. I've never felt so far from heaven.

Never been more frustrated. Any words of encouragement, feel free to comment. Infact, if you are readin, COMMENT!

You Know You Live in Zambia When...

I have compiled my own list of stupid things you can really only say (or in some cases hear) casually, and without seeming strange, in Zambia (and maybe a few other nations).

"Wow, they've got a really nice wall hey?"

"Wouldn't it be nice to have an electric fence like that?"

"Is this the purified and boiled water?" looking into the water jug.

"This road is AWESOME! There's only ONE pot hole on it!"

"Frickin cow is blocking the road again." referring to the animal...on a main highway

"Crap I think we're being pulled over. Anybody have some sort of American souvenier? Maybe some extra cash? It probably won't take much to get out a speeding ticket. Maybe a Brible?" fumbling around looking for a bribe while the cop stands there.

"I only like my termites fried"

"Dang, there's a cockroach on my mosquito netting again."

"I see some lightning, better unplug everything."

"Oh, I love our neighbor's guard, he's so friendly."

"White people! Did you see them? Oh my gosh! That was crazy! What the heck are they doing here? Let's chase them!" driving down the road

"Dad, I wanna go to bed, have you put both locks on the gate, the chain and locks on all the doors, turned the electric fence and security lights on yet?"

"GAME STORE FLYERS OUT! SOO STOKED!" (Game store is basicaly the Wal Mart/Zellers of Zambia. Every Thursday they put out a flyer where you can get sweet deals on certain items for that weekend)

"We have mail! It's a package! FROM CANADA!"

"We can only have our Starbucks coffee once to twice a week. It must be rationed. MUST."

"I want to paint the burgler bars on my window to match my room."

"Have the men from Kalinga Linga phoned yet with the price for our furniture?"

"I would kill for that defender, it's so sweet."

"I'm pulling you over because you have no seatbelt on. Now could you please drive me to the station so we can fill out the papers." cops don't usually have a car with them when they pull you over.

"Mom, where are the Malaria pills?"

"Guys, the dog licked a posionus frog and is foaming at the mouth again."

"Shoot, it's an ant hill shot" playing a game of golf.

"We're out of Narchies again. We'll have to drive under the big green bridge to catch the guy who sells them in traffic."

"I am sorry sir, we are out of all fuels." a gas station which is still open in a city.

"Do you have any filtered coffee? If not I'll have a fanta please."

Haha. Good times. All of the above statements have actually been said by me, my mother, or father at some point in time in either Malawi or Zambia. Now for things you can only see in Zambia, and not think much of it.

+ A bus breaks down so a tow truck comes to get it. But the tow truck breaks down. On the highway

-Men walking down the middle of the road at night to try and scare the spirits out of them

+ People walking up to your window at every stop trying to sell you pirated DVDs, fruit, clothes, games, and any other random thing (once there was an iron, often there are "Rolex" watches)

-One branch after another placed directly on one side of the road. (this means there's been an accident or stall up ahead)

+Hundred and hundreds of people just walking on the side of the road.

-Men with machine guns walking down the road

+50 people packed into the back of a pick up truck

-Rows upon rows of mud huts

+A gecko crawling across your wall

-A small army of ants in the bathroom sink

+Ant hills the size of an outhouse or bigger

- Litter steadily scattered everywhere

+A fan in every room

-Chetenge's (wrap around skirts) on basicaly every Zambian woman on the road

+8 year olds huffing/sniffing glue/petrol and barely able to walk to your car to ask for some food

- Men holding hands

+ A baby sitting in the middle of a road in a compound because he's lost his mom

Here's my homeboy Daniel (far left) in Kalinga Linga, and Jonathan is second from the right

Here's my African grandma, the infamous Gogo! Isn't she gorgeous!? This is her hut here, she lives in a compound just outside of Lusaka.

This is Daniel (it's a popular name) and his son Daniel junior. They're Gogo's neighbours, and this is his youngest. Their oldest is named Gift, and they have twins, one boy and one girl (Esther). His wife is also really cool. Daniel plays in a gospel band that makes some money by going around Africa and performing with dancings, singing, and playing instruments.

These are some kids on a swingset in Kalinga Linga. It made a really neat picture. I could go all deep and say that it's like some sort of example of how they can have fun and be kids, but their life is being distorted and dirtied by the government and poverty. But I won't.

It's weird how quickly you adjust to things nobody should ever really feel adjusted to. I guess this is life as one of those guilt tripping World Vision commercials.

I'm A Mom!

Alright so last week, we purchased two new puppies! They were born on Valentines day, and we bought them from another missionary lady in town who's dog was the real mother. But, I am their mother now. Except I leave the disgusting half of that to my mother. They're Boerboel and Rhodesian Ridgeback crossed. If you haven't seen those, google them, and you'll find that they will grow to be man eating machines.

Alright, so they don't look like man eating machines right now I guess...

What are their names you ask? The one on top there is Frodo, and the bottom bigger one is Sam. Heck yeah. I wanted to get like 9 so we could have the whole fellowship...but nooo we could only go for main characters. Whatever.
So what has life done lately you ask? Well, Friday was supposed to go like this: have pancakes for breakfast, go to a cafe for lunch to hear Amy play her guitar, then go to the theatre that night to see the Pink Panther. What happened friday? My dad stood in line ups trying to get paperwork for our truck from 8 - 17:30, I only did one math lesson because checking my answers I saw I was all wrong and gave up. Since dad had the car we couldn't go hear Amy. I watched E! chanel for an hour, then Aunty Cheryl phoned and said we were going to visit gogo. So we went there, and when we got home dad got back like half an hour later. We decided to still go and see Pink Panther, but turns out that was about the most depressing thing ever. I mean the movie's really funny and everything. But walking around the theater there were soo many teenagers, all with their friends. Then there was me, walking in, with my parents. Why? Not because I have friends and chose to go with my parents, not because I was forced, but because I don't have a social life outside of my parents. So I went home and cried, because I'm truly a loner.
Saturday we finalllly got our truck. This would be after 6 months of waiting, and we were technically supposed to get it Feb.1, welcome to Africa kids. It's so much nicer than the vehicle we've been renting though. The car we were renting had no air conditioning, which meant at stops and everything you couldn't roll up your windows without dying of the heat. It's super dangerous though because people (men) will run up to the car. So everytime we were at a stop light Id have to roll up my window and sweat off like 20 pounds while men stood outside the window saying random Nyanja things. Now though, this is a beats of a truck which we can take on any road, AND it has AC!

I learn how to drive in that baby! Anyway, the rest of Saturday was boring...like every other day. I bought a tank top...it's weird...but cool, I'm not sure how to explain it. Saturday night I was sitting in the living room contemplating why I dont have friends and how I'm going to kidnap some, when my cell phone rang! This is exciting okay because people never phone me. Lots of sms' but no calls. So I look at the screen and it was Lauren (from Kitwe)! Yay! So we talked for like...10/15 minutes when my brothers were on Skype and wanted to talk to me. Since it's Kelly's birthday on Wednesday, but he'll be in Vancouver for business stuff then, we called him yesterday to do all the birthday junk. Both him and Sean were on the phone so it was kinda cool just the three of us talking, until I burst into tears and said "I just wanna go home" then that resulted in like ten minutes of them trying to make me happy. Eventually I pulled back into semi-normal mood though. I talked to them for about 35 minutes, then paged Lauren. Since we don't have a land line yet, and she does, it was cheaper for her to just phone me form her land line. Cells here don't pay for recieved calls. Anyway then we talked for like another half hour, so that was cool. I watched the last bit of Seinfeld after that, then some SNL but decided upon reading. And that was friday and saturday.
Oh yes, Friday afternoon I decided I need to be skinny. And then I ate a pack of Astros. Yup, skinny plans goin real well.